Does your gifted child have trouble sleeping? Discover useful tips here!
Mom, my mind won't quiet down! I can't fall asleep!
Can you picture it? Your child went to bed at eight o'clock. It's now eleven in the evening, and just as you were about to head to bed yourself, your child silently appears at the bottom of the stairs, tears in their eyes because sleep won't come. They've been tossing and turning for three hours, wrestling with their thoughts. For three hours straight, their mind has been buzzing. Every little incident from the day and the days prior rushes back.
"Why is Elsie saying mean things about Lola? That's not right, is it? Now she won't be my friend? Friends don't act like that, do they?"
"Today, the teacher tried to quiet down the class, but two kids kept talking. And because of them, the whole class got punished. But that's not fair, is it? Everyone else is trying so hard, and because of those two, everyone gets in trouble. That's not fair, right?"
"I feel so lonely. I'm friends with everyone in the class, but still, I feel so alone. I feel different, but I don't want to lose my friends, so I pretend. I pretend to be interested in horses, but I'm not really."
"When I leave my hair down, I look much older. That's why I prefer to tie it up, so I fit in better with my classmates, who can sometimes be immature."
And the cycle continues. One issue after another pours over you like a waterfall. Tears join in, completing the cascade. The child has accumulated little problems (once again) for days until now - all poured out in one burst. Problems that were initially insignificant, and manageable, but have suddenly ballooned into insurmountable obstacles. And then it's your turn again. You both lie down together, side by side, gazing upwards, and you talk. Until everything is offloaded. Until everything returns to its rightful size. Until a hug brings solace.
How much would you give to witness your child waking up with a smile again? To see them happy and carefree, just like the cheerful toddler they once were. Wouldn't you give anything to see your child return home from school with joy, recounting the delightful moments they experienced? I, for one, would give a lot to experience tranquility around bedtime and not absorb my child's unhappiness, only to find myself lying awake in bed, consumed by worry.
Talk to your child!
Engaging in conversations with (gifted) children, particularly regarding emotions, can be challenging. Communication with gifted children doesn't always flow smoothly. Often, we find ourselves interacting with highly verbal children who excel in negotiation but struggle to articulate their feelings and tend to keep them hidden. They may deny any issues simply to avoid discussing them. Similarly, parents may hesitate to address concerns, fearing it might exacerbate the situation.
Nonetheless, it's crucial to create an environment where these feelings can be openly discussed, both those of the child and those of the parents. As a parent, dare to express your emotions. Start by observing the child's behavior, then inquire about their thoughts and feelings regarding the situation. By repeating this process, you help the child understand how thoughts influence emotions, which, in turn, affect behavior, leading to new thoughts, and so forth.
Through frequent discussions in a calm setting, the child learns to articulate their emotions and find the right words, gradually internalizing this process. Repeat the words or phrases the child uses to reflect them, to provide validation. As a parent, employ this cycle to express your feelings, aiming to accept your child's emotions without judgment, advice, or critique. This approach fosters an environment where the child feels accepted and learns self-acceptance.
- Avoid getting caught up in negotiating with your child
- Teach them to break down their big thought leaps into smaller steps
- Refrain from constantly silencing your child, as it might lead them to clam up entirely, even about their feelings and fears
- Avoid discussing feelings when the television or radio is on or when other children are present
- Set aside dedicated time for your child without interruptions from phones or other children
- Engage in activities together with your child (such as taking them to work, folding laundry together, etc.) to encourage conversation
- Consider taking a trip alone with one child
- If strong emotions arise, allow them to settle and address them later
- Steer clear of clichés and thoughtless remarks, and avoid belittling their statements
- Instead of giving sermons or ready-made solutions, encourage the child to seek solutions to their problems on their own
- Lastly, refrain from speaking negatively about school or the school counseling service in front of your child!
Meeting intellectual peers at Hoogbloeier®
It's vital for your child to understand that being different is not only acceptable but also valued. Feeling different is a common experience for gifted children, and it's crucial for them to realize that others share their experiences. It's important for them to encounter peers who reflect their unique traits, so they don't feel isolated. When they observe other gifted children with similar eccentric interests, high expectations for friendships, or using advanced language – "or wait, no, they just speak like everyone else, it's the others who speak differently" – it can be eye-opening. The most poignant remark I've ever heard after a teenage trip with gifted youngsters was: "Mom, then I'm still normal!"
However, it's not always easy to connect with other gifted children, adolescents, or adults. We offer a solution through our enrichment groups and children's activities: by collaborating with other gifted children, we focus on fostering a positive self-image, overcoming the fear of failure, teaching resilience and persistence in the face of challenges, and expressing frustrations. Through enjoyable and stimulating activities within a small group and a supportive environment, you'll witness your son or daughter flourish. Your child will grow more self-assured, learn to seek out their challenges, feel empowered to communicate with their teacher if they're feeling unengaged at school and rediscover their passion for learning. Simply being in the company of other gifted children and realizing they're not alone can be a significant step forward. And that marks the start of a peaceful night's sleep!
Children's Activities
It's crucial for a gifted child to interact with peers of similar development. Not only does this support their social and emotional growth, but it also helps them realize they're not alone in the world. Other children share their interests and understand what they're going through. And what better way to enjoy this than by going out together?
Several partners of Hoogbloeier® arrange children's or family activities tailored for gifted children and their parents, as well as for adults. These activities could include visits to museums, and exhibitions, or engaging in recreational activities like skating or swimming. Consult our agenda for upcoming events.
Summer camps
Summer camps provide a platform for gifted children to explore new horizons, embrace challenges, and foster camaraderie with peers. Through teamwork and collaboration, they learn to support one another and navigate through various experiences. Camps also offer a chance for these children to connect with others who share their unique perspectives and interests. Refer to our agenda for details on upcoming camps during the school holidays.
Enrichment Groups
In enrichment groups, gifted children work together to cultivate a positive self-image, tackle fears of failure, and address challenges associated with being different. They learn that being unique is normal and discover solidarity with peers who share similar experiences. These groups provide a supportive environment where children learn resilience and perseverance in a fun and engaging manner. Check our agenda for updates on enrichment group activities.
Gifted Cafés
For gifted adults, informal gatherings known as Gifted Cafés provide a space to discuss and deepen their understanding of giftedness among adults. These relaxed settings offer opportunities for individuals to connect with others who share their interests and experiences.
You can find details about these activities under our partner listings. Look for coaches in your area who offer opportunities for peer interaction, and feel free to reach out to them for further information.
Copyright © 2023 dr. Sabine Sypré, Hoogbloeier® cvba – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any other means, without prior written permission from the author. Online sharing is permitted with attribution to the author and a link to this article.
